Trust your gut...and other sound advice

Since I started my last post talking about aliens, I thought I'd bring things back down to earth a bit by handing out some good ole fashion advice. I don't pretend to know all the answers or feel I am an expert by any means, but certainly I have had some experiences that I can speak from. I've had to learn many of my lessons the hard way, but perhaps from my pain I can help you or someone else you know avoid the same path. And perhaps me writing it down will also help myself to remember how to keep on doing the things I'm doing to stay healthy and well.

It seems like it would not be so easy to get sucked into lies that you are told over and over again, but unfortunately the contrary seems to be true. I find myself still getting drawn into so much drama and craziness. Even though I know that my ex is doing everything he can to get at me, mess with me, punish me, and even using our child to do so...I still catch myself making excuses for him (like maybe he doesn't really know what he's doing). That's nuts right? He knows exactly what he's doing! I had a conversation with my mom the other day about the many moments that I wish I could change and I tried to explain some of the choices I made and when and why I made them. When I think back on some of these moments, I still feel inwardly ashamed that I let myself dismiss so much. I know now that essentially I was being brain-washed into submission, but I always knew that things were not right. But I almost just didn't want to know. Ignorance is bliss right? Because if I didn't acknowledge it, then it wasn't real, and so then I didn't have to deal with it. And honestly I felt helpless and hopeless to fix it anyway. So then, it just became easier to be in denial and just pretend everything was ok even though it was far from, and I continued to suffer because of it.

Well, I am no longer in denial. I am fully aware of where I've been, where I am now and also where I'd like to be. I know that whatever has already happened is done. Whatever happens from NOW on is a different story. So before I get on to my actual advice, first let me say something about trust. It's something that once lost is hard to get back. When you realize you can't trust the one person who you are supposed to be able to trust and depend on the most, someone you've committed your life to, who says they love you, and are supposed to take care of you, it's hard to know what else or who else you can trust in life. So my first piece of advice is simply this. Just because you can't trust one thing in your life, doesn't mean that you can't trust anything at all. Here are some things you CAN and SHOULD trust, and if you have a hard time doing so, I hope and pray that you will learn. Remember, I am also talking to myself,

#1 TRUST YOUR GUT!
Think back on a moment where you know you didn't, and you get what I mean. One thing I firmly believe and have learned to be more attuned to, is the fact that we are each made with a built-in alarm system if you will, that warns us when something is wrong and we need to be on guard. "DANGER! DANGER!" Whether you call it a gut feeling, your instincts, or a woman's intuition, we all have had moments in our life when this system has gone off. Hearing it is usually not the problem, but it's whether we actually pay attention and heed the warning that's important. Like that car alarm that keeps going off in the middle of the night and eventually you just roll over, put the pillow over your head and try to forget about it. Don't!

#2 TRUST that there are people in your life who really know you, that believe in you and that you can turn to. Surround yourself with these good friends and family. One of these folks may help save your life. Yes, some people, even ones you thought would be there for you, will let you down. But there are so many more that will be there for you no matter what.

#3 TRUST who you are, and who you know yourself to be. This one might be one of the hardest, but DO NOT buy into the lies of others who are trying to deceive you in order to manipulate and control you.

#4 TRUST in goodness and in truth. Always look for the truth, and hold on to those things that you know to be real. This is very important. It may sound cheesy and cliche, but really....the TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!! It's hard sometimes because life is hard and you can't always see beyond the bend to the light at the end of the tunnel. But don't be afraid. A very dear friend of mine told me that everything will be fine as long as you "always stand on the side of right." Don't let anxiety and fear rule your life. It's not worth it!

#5 TRUST in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight. That's from the Bible. Proverbs 3:5-6 Take it or leave it, but it is comforting to me to know that someone up there is in control when I know I am not.

And  finally, TRUST that things will get better, because they will. Peace be with you.
Hannah Bee

**If you think you might be in an abusive relationship or know someone who you suspect is, please seek help. Look at my "Helpful Links" section above, to the right or Click here to check out info on types of abuse, signs of abuse to look for, and the cycle of violence. "Gaslight," a 1940 film starring Ingrid Bergman is a great film that depicts a woman slowly driven mad by her husband. It's a great film in and of itself, but is also very helpful in understanding psychological abuse. I actually saw this the first time at the women's shelter I stayed at and it really helped me to identify some of what was happening to me.