lessons from the Tralmalfadorians...

Ok, so what in the heck are Tralmalfadorians? It's from Kurt Vonnegut's book "Slaughterhouse-Five." It was required reading for me in the 10th grade. Honors English. And yes, public school. It's basically an anti-war book that also brings up ideas and topics that some may argue should not be taught in school, but that's a whole other blog. The story is told very interestingly enough through a character named Billy Pilgrim who gets unstuck in time, traveling to various moments in his life, as well as to a planet called Tralmalfadore, and learning many lessons along the way. I recently thought about this book because I was pondering the idea of control. What do I actually have control over? It doesn't seem like much these days. And that can be not only frustrating but also terrifying and even debilitating at times. So in the book, Billy Pilgrim comes across this prayer:                                                                                                                                                        

God grant me 

the Serenity to accept

the things I cannot change,

Courage

to change the things I can,

and Wisdom always 

to tell the 

Difference.

 

It's the Serenity Prayer. Some of you may know it. I probably heard it before reading "Slaughterhouse-Five," but for whatever reason, I often remember it through the reading of this book. I was looking through my old copy of it a few years back, flipping through the pages and suddenly felt embarrassed if anyone were to find it and see my notes and markings. I recently found it again and as I flipped through this time, I was not embarrassed anymore, but more astonished at how innocent, how idealistic, and wide-eyed a girl I once was. You see, I had crossed out all the bad language I found. All the "FUCK" and "SHIT," and in doing so, I think actually believed that somehow I was helping to remove some of all that in the world. It's kind of funny now to think about because there is no removing all the bad stuff in the world, and you rarely have control over a lot of what happens to you or to others. So it goes... But, and here is a big BUT, sometimes you do. So what do you do with that? And how do you know? That's the question, and that's my prayer.

If things were up to me, no one would hurt anybody else, and certainly never intentionally. No one would use their children as pawns to manipulate and control. Children would never get sick. No one would put you down, harass, or threaten you in order to make themselves feel better about themselves, and no one would experience things in their childhood or past that make them grow up feeling like there's no other way. If it were up to me, we'd all be free of self-doubt, lies, deceit, of resentment, and all the pain and suffering that comes with those. Oh, and mothers of adult children would learn to mind their own business (is that asking too much?) Well I guess the point is that it's not all up to me.

What is up to me is how I choose to deal with the Shit (sorry) that comes my way and to continue to do good and see good despite all the bad. That is my choice, or least that's what I'd like to choose everyday because it's not ever easy. Sometimes it's easier being stuck in the rot of self-pity and sucked into the lies that there's nothing else but that terrible place you are in right now. That's why I like the Tralmalfadorians. They unlike us earthlings, are not bound to time. They can see someone lying dead or in the depths of despair one moment, and all he thinks is that this person is in a bad condition that particular moment, but is just fine in plenty of other moments. Not that there isn't a place and a time to be sad or to mourn etc. but there's something wonderful in getting your mind unstuck in time.

I know that I can't cross out every bad word or deed in this world or even in my own life. But I can try to focus on the positive things and be thankful for the wonderful moments in my life, and look for the blessings. And I pray everyday to be courageous enough to take hold of the things I CAN change about the bad. Then maybe I can be a better friend, a better mother, a better daughter, a better person or someone else may even be better because of me. So that's my challenge to all you out there too. Take stock of your life, then say the Serenity Prayer and mean it. Don't be too hard on yourself when in moments you fail, and remember even in your darkest moments, that THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Hannah Bee