my new set of heels

So last night I put on my new pair of high heeled shoes and went out...a night on the town as it were. So, big deal right? People do that every Saturday night. Well, not me. Especially not me in the last few years. It's kinda like that moment for new parents when they finally get that first night away from the baby, except I've been a mom already for a couple years and last night had nothing to do with romance and certainly not with reconnecting with my partner. I was reconnecting with ME.

Now let's go back to the heels for a moment, because there's more I have to say about that. Last week on Black Friday, my mom and I went out to check out the deals like many others did. We were looking for some new comfortable shoes for her when I got the urge to try on a bunch of heels. My very frugal and sometimes too practical mother says, "What do you need those for? You don't even wear heels!" I blurt out very passionately and probably louder than I needed to, "I miss my shoes! and so what, I want some heels..." (some of that response makes more sense if you realize that most of my personal belongings including clothes and shoes, I left behind when I left with my daughter to a DV shelter, and let's just say that I don't think I'll be getting any of that stuff back.) So, I would have loved it if my mom were to have said, "Of course honey, I totally get it." She didn't. But that didn't matter. It was more important that I got it. I realized something in that moment.

You see, my mom was right in a sense. I didn't need a new pair of heels, nor have I particularly been a heels type of gal. Not even before my ex, and during my relationship with him, I almost felt like I shouldn't wear them. He was not the tallest of guys and I am a not exactly short either. We even argued sometimes about exactly how tall I was. (who fights about that?) Anyway, suffice it to say for the longest time, I allowed someone else to make me to feel smaller, and less capable, and less intelligent, and all together less than I really was. So it didn't really matter if I actually needed them or had somewhere to wear those heels. I mean let's face it, I spend most of my time with a 2 year old. To me, buying those heels were my way of reclaiming myself and standing tall again.

In the last few months I have had the chance to relearn that I have worth. Not because anyone else thinks I do, or even because I think I do. I have worth because God gave me worth. He gave me life, and because of Him, I have a life worth living. You all out there have the same worth too. So I say go out and buy those heels! Put them on. Stand tall and celebrate!

Hannah Bee