Happy Mother's Day

This Sunday we celebrate and thank our mothers for all the hard work, sacrifice and patience they had in raising us. For those of us who are lucky enough to be parents too, we really begin to understand the meaning of a mother's love, especially when our kids are in their "terrible two's". So Happy Mother's Day everyone, especially those who are blessed enough to be mothers. I am dedicating this blog entry to you all as well as my little darling, as she is the one who made me a proud mama.

I also decided this is a good opportunity to start an annual tradition. A letter a year that I will save and put together some day to give to my daughter. I hope to document for her my thoughts, feelings, reflections of the year, how she's grown, what's she's learned, what I've learned through her, being her mother. Sometimes I get scared about what she will remember of these earlier years, what will stick and what she will internalize.  Perhaps these letters will help her to learn a little more of who she is and who her mother was and is and all I did for us to make sure she got the best shot she could once she is grown. Since she's already gonna be 3 this year *yikes* I have a little catching up to do, so I think I'm going to make this first letter a two parter.

Part one: Your birth story.
You, my sweet baby girl were born to me on a warm autumn afternoon. It was a Sunday, and a very good day to be born.  You were about a week early, but I had a feeling you were on the way, and I was ready. The first three and a half months, I was very sick as my body got used to you and turned into a little factory to help you grow. You wouldn't let me eat my favorite foods like steak or any other meats for that matter. Just like you are now, while you were in my belly, you had me craving mostly fruit and carbs! Then as the months went on, you wiggled and kicked, already making yourself known to me as the strong little shaker and mover that you are now.

You perservered through some tough times while I struggled with depression, and difficulties with your dad. There were some things I didn't have control over, like your dad's smoking, but for the things I had, I did everything I could in my power to take the best care of you. I went to regular check ups, read up on all the things I was supposed to do, what to eat, what not to eat, took prenatal vitamins, prenatal yoga classes, birthing classes, and played you classical music and lullabies. I even decided I would give birth the natural way and chose wonderful midwives and a doula to help during the process. Most of all, I prayed hard every day that God would protect you and take care of you and keep you healthy and strong despite the stresses I was under. The Lord heard my prayers as you were born perfect and wonderful, the most beautiful thing I ever saw.

You were very kind to me in labor, as you woke me up early in the morning with the first labor pains and then came out just six hours later. I did it all as we had planned; no drugs, no epidural. It was hard, but not in a bad way. I knew I was in love as soon as I saw your little face, those cute little fingers and oh, those toes! You had made me a mother, and life would never be the same again. Newborns aren't really the most attractive things, all squished and wrinkled after their journey through the birth canal, but whether it was all the hormones or just part a mother's love, I truly believe you were an exception. You had a full head of jet black, fine baby hair, and my goodness the longest curled lashes that a newborn could ever have! Very sparse and thin still, but I could already picture the jealous oohs and aahs of every woman I knew. It turns out that your curls, both your lashes and eventually on your little head would be the envy of everyone.

After you were born, all your family and those that loved us came to visit and agreed that I was the luckiest Mother ever with the most beautiful baby. And they weren't just saying so because they had to. You continue to light up my life and inspire me every day to be a better person. When I look back at all the pictures and videos from a couple years ago, I am still amazed at how much you've grown, how smart you are, how funny, and how many times you are able to ask me "why?" in a minutes time!

I am also so thankful at God's continued grace in our lives, how he's protected us, and given me strength to take care of you through all the hardships of this past year especially. We have been through so much in your short life, and there will be more struggles to come. Just know that no matter what, I will always be here for you whether you think you need me or not. I promise to listen to you and to accept you and love you unconditionally. I will try to always give you good counsel and to be a good example to you. I will laugh when you laugh, cry when you cry, and when words are not enough, I will hold you in my arms to comfort you. I love you sooo much, with all my heart and all my being.

Your mother,
Hannah Bee