What would you have done and why?

Last night, I decided to go into Westwood Village. I had just dropped off my daughter to her visit with her dad, and wanted some much needed relax time to myself. I remembered a place I liked to go to with friends way back when; Diddy Riese. It's been there forever. They are known for their ice cream sandwiches made from your choice in flavor of Dreyer's ice cream smashed in between any 2 of their delicious fresh made cookies. And for $1.50 it didn't break my budget! Anyway, as I was walking to the crosswalk and thinking about what flavor combo of cookies I was going to get, a young woman stopped me on the street and told me she just had a baby and needed money to buy diapers. Could I help?

I have to be honest. I got really uncomfortable and wished she had just left me alone. I often feel uncomfortable when strangers ask me for money. I think there are different reasons why depending on the circumstance. Today it was simply because I felt like I was put in a situation in which I had to decide whether the few dollars I had saved for me to relax with was better used on me, or to help someone else. It kinda annoyed me that I was being made to choose. What I ended up doing was say "sorry, I dont have anything," which of course was not necessarily true. It's true I didnt really have much to give as I am barely struggling to take care of myself and my own little one, but if I wanted to, I could've given her the few dollars I had in my purse. But would that have helped at all? That couple dollars couldn't buy diapers. What if she wasn't really wanting diapers afterall. She didn't actually have the baby with her. She could've been lying. Why is it that my first instincts were to judge and doubt her? Was I just being selfish?

The woman looked at me with disappointment in her face and turned to walk away. 30 seconds later, I realized I had made a mistake. Maybe this woman really just needed diapers. I can relate to what it feels like to be without and desperately just wanting to care for my child. What if everyone else she tried said no as quickly as I did. Maybe I was supposed to help her. I might not have had enough cash on me, but I could've walked her to the nearby CVS and paid for a small bag of diapers with my debit card. I remember years ago when I got my first real job after college, there was a homeless man that worked the exit of the freeway I got off on everyday after work. I didn't have a lot of money to give then either, but I used to pack bags of food for him whenever I got a chance. He was so glad to receive something, anything.

I looked back to see if the woman was still there.  I could see her far off down the street, about to turn the corner. I thought about running down to catch her, but I found that I didn't have the guts to do it. I stood there as she turned out of sight and felt ashamed that I was about to go buy an ice cream sandwich. I thought about where I would be, where my daughter would be if I never received help from all sorts of people this past year.

I felt horrible but just tried to forget about it and relax as I had planned to do. Now over a day later, I am still thinking about it and can't help but think there must be a lesson in all of this. A few weeks ago, while driving through Hollywood, I drove past 2 young people holding a sign, asking for bus money. I can't remember where the sign said they were headed, but just as I thought, hey I have some change I can spare, my light turned green.  I drove on because it was inconvenient to have to turn around and go back to give them my change. No big deal right? But what if it was.

I wish I could go back and make some different decisions than I did, but I can't. What I can do is pray for that woman and her baby, and that those kids made it safely to where they wanted to go. I can also pray that I get another chance at helping someone else in the future. I hope I can recognize the opportunity when I get it and be courageous and selfless enough to make a good choice. I have been trying to instill in my child the value of helping others, of being loving, caring and kind to people. But we can't just believe in the value of it, or let it stop with our words. It has to show up in our deeds. It's so easy to talk about caring for and helping others and feeling sympathy for others' pain and suffering. It's a lot more difficult to take action steps to do something about it. I think what happened yesterday really convicted me in that. I'm not sure exactly yet what and how and who I can and should help, and when the opportunity will come my way again, but I am sure going to try a lot harder to pay attention to the people and things that do. I hope you all will too.

I found a wonderful speech Mother Teresa gave on this very topic. Check it out here.
Hannah Bee